The original introduction above wasn't really an introduction, but a paragraph. It's way to long and I really should shorten it up so it sums up what I want to say faster. When I was writing this essay I kind of slacked of because I got bored writing about the cookie. I think that if the topic had interested me more I may have put more into the paper. Of course this is not a good excuse because in college I'll be writing plenty that I have no interest in so I really should get used to it. However bored I got though I think this paper was good, under the circumstances that is. My favorite new introduction is probably number three because not only did the people commenting on this post like it, but it also engages the reader and makes them want to continue.
1) Accidentally invented by Ruth Wakefiled in 1930, the chocolate cookie is definitely the favorite cookie amongst Americans. In class recently I was put into a group and we were asked to test different types of cookies. Our findings were clear and opinions varied from liking the brand to disliking it.
2) Once upon a time something unexpected happened. Something that was completely accidental, but became a huge success; the birth of the chocolate chip cookie. Many people will agree that homemade are best, but other do prefer the store bought brands over all others. I recently did a test in class and came up with many findings that may seem surprising to some.
3) The Toll House Inn is where is all began. A cookie was born and soon America was crazy for it. The chocolate chip cookie is one of the most popular cookie in this country and derives from a history like no other. This cookie comes in all shapes and sizes, but whatever the look it's still a favorite amongst many. My group also agree that it's a good cookie, though some didn't like certain brands over others.
Out of the three introductions, the third introduction was my favorite because it gives background and then it shows how America came to enjoy the chocolate chip cookie and became the most popular cookie in the country. I liked the first introduction because it gave background as to how the chocolate chip cookie came about. The second introduction was also good because i like how you compared it to traditional homemade chocolate chip cookies. Your introductions were quite good even though you could go back and fix some grammar errors.
ReplyDeleteI really like the third introduction the best because you make it seem like the cookie is actually alive. This quality of the introduction draws in the reader.
ReplyDeleteI like the third introduction the best. By starting out with some history, it makes me want to read more about chocolate chip cookies. Also, by adding some of what the group thought, it makes me want to know your results.
ReplyDeleteThe history in the third introduction made me want to keep reading. I like how you related to our group too in the intro. Fix some grammer errors and it is good!
ReplyDeleteI liked the third one too because the history and facts make the introduction interesting, I think it could be worded a little differently so that the ending makes more sense but otherwise great job! I also liked the second one because it tells about the test that was performed in class.
ReplyDelete